So lately the pain for me has unbearable. The last three weeks have been nothing but pain, stomach problems, shaking, extreme headaches and dizziness. That doesn’t even touch the mental aspect of this.
The realization really sit in today when you go to the doctor and they say here is some Vicodin to hopefully ease the pain! They also put me in physical therapy and talked about medical Marijuana.
There will be some that will say good at least they are doing something about the pain.
But then the next words out of the doctor’s mouth ” All we can do now is to try to make you feel as comfortable as possible because there isn’t much else we can do.”
When you hear that the reality of terminally ill diagnosis sets in. I have been trying to get through this, but hearing this today made it harder mentally than ever before.
What do you do or say when you get this news. My mind is telling me to fight but my body is saying I may want to give up! Well I know I don’t want to give up. I am in a fight right now…
I know it can’t be my time! Or so I hope so. I guess it is another fork in the road. Where it leaves nobody knows.
I have been through the ringer but so have so many others.
I know I pushed people away and others left because I couldn’t do anything else for them.
It is a sad feeling but like life you learn who is there for you at the roughest times in your life! But that is fine. I just know I tried my best.
I am fighting for my life, No exaggeration! My family is a major force of what is keeping me alive. But I personally can’t stop fighting for my Sarcoidosis family. I just hope I can do something to help the Sarcoidosis community.
Why you may be asking why I am writing this so late at night? It is because I am evaluating my life.
What am I here for now? Am I just here? What are my reasons to be here?
I know suicide is not in my future! But I also know for me to move forward I need a purpose! What that means is I want to keep helping, but I need to learn limit. No more pushing over the limit! I will learn that.
The mental of course is the toughest aspect of this, but I talk with an amazing counselor and I am reaching out to others. Definitely not the easiest thing to work on. I am a little bit stubborn, okay a lot! Haha.
Okay I am done with complaining!
I am not done yet! Too much needs to be done!!!
Just wanted to let you all know I will fight until my body is done!!
Please keep me and my family in you thoughts and prayers
Thank you you all for your support of my family and myself!!!